Work in Progress

Well here I am writing on this pointless blog yet again. I can't even begin to explain why I continue to use this website occasionally but I find a level of peace here that I can't seem to find elsewhere. I'm going to just leave some of my heartfelt Taylor Swift lyrics here because these express how I feel better than my words ever could. This is my best attempt of our *Love Story* completely with TS lyrics.


There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles, same old tired lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face...All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you... The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks, passing notes in secrecy. And it was enchanting to meet you. All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you.

She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile. She'll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by. And you can't see me wanting you the way you want her, but you are everything to me.  And I just want to show you, she don't even know you, she's never going to love you like I want to. You just see right through me but if you only knew me, we could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable, instead of just invisible...like shadows in the faded light, oh, we're invisible.

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset. She's going off about something you said, 'cause she doesn't get your humor like I do. I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night, I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like, she'll never know your story like I do. But she wears short skirts, I wear tshirts. She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers, dreaming about the day you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time. If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can't you see? You belong with me.

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago, I was in your sights, you got me alone. You found me. You found me. I guess you didn't care and I guess I liked that and when I fell hard, you took a step back without me, without me. And he's long gone when he's next to me and I realized the blame is on me. I knew you were trouble when you walked in. Shame on me now, you flew me to places I'd never been, till you put me down. Oh I knew you were trouble when you walked in, flew me to places I'd never been. Now I'm lying on the cold, hard ground. Trouble, trouble, trouble. No apologies, he'll never see cry. Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why you're drowning, drowning. I heard you moved on from whispers on the street, a new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be...and now I see, that he was long gone when he met me, and I realize the joke is on me. Trouble, trouble, trouble.

You're the kind of reckless that should send me running, but I kind of know I won't get far...My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea.

Oh, oh, oh. Stand like a ghost, shaking from the rain. She'll open the door and say "are you insane?" Say it's been a long six months and you were too afraid to tell her what you want. And that's how it works, that's how you get the girl. And then you say "I want you for worst or for better. I would wait forever and ever. Broke your heart, I'll put it back together, I would wait forever and ever. That's how it works...that's how you get the girl.

You were in college working part-time waiting tables, left a small town and never looked back. I was a flight risk with a fear of falling...wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts. I say "can you believe it?" as we're lying on the couch...the moment I can see it, yes, yes, I can see it now. Do you remember we were sitting there by the water, you put your arm around me for the first time. You made a rebel out of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night. I go back to December all the time.

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you. You walk around here thinking you're not pretty, but that's not true. Hold on baby, you're losing it. The water is high, you're jumping into it and letting go. And nobody knows... you cry but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. You're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone. I guess it's true that love was all you wanted, cause you're giving it away like it's extra change, hoping it will end up in his pocket, but he leaves you out like a penny in the rain. Oh, cause it's not his price to pay, it's not his price to pay. You're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone.

And I remember that fight, 2:30 am, everything was slipping out of our hands...I ran out crying and you followed me out to the street...braced myself for the "goodbye," cause that's all I've ever known. Then you took me by surprise, you said "I'll never leave you alone." You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water, every time I look at you it's like the first time. I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter, she is the best that's ever mine."

Walking through the crowds, villages aglow, kaleidoscopes of loud heartbeats, undercoats. Everybody here wanted something more, searching for a sound we haven't heard before and it said "Welcome to New York (Chicago), it's been waiting for you. Welcome to New York (Chicago), Welcome to New York.

Walked in expecting you to be late, but you got here early, you stand and wave, I walk to you. You pull my chair out and help me in, you don't know how nice that is, but I do. And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end. But on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again.

All I've knew this morning when I woke is that I know something now that I didn't before. And all I've seen since 18 hours ago, is green(brown) eyes, freckles, and your smile in the back of my mind like...I just wanna know you better, know you better now. All I know is we said hello and your eyes look like coming home. All I know is a simple name and everything has changed. All I know is that you held the door, you'll be mine and I'll be your's. All I know since yesterday is everything has changed. All my walls stood tall, painted blue. I'll take 'em down, take 'em down, and open up the door for you. And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind, making up for lost time, taking flight, making me feel like I just wanna know you better, know you better now.

Oh, oh. Well you stood there with me in the doorway, my hands shake, I'm not usually this way but...you pull me in and I'm a little more brave. It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something...It's fearless.

You said it in a simple way, four a.m., the second day, how strange that I don't know you at all. We stumbled through the long goodbye, one last kiss then catch your flight, right when I was just about to fall. I told myself "don't get attached," but in my mind I play it back... faster than the plane that took you.

This is falling in love in the cruelest way, this is falling in love when you are worlds away.

I like the way you sound in the morning, we're on the phone and without a warning I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard.